Pining for the twin that might have been.
Published in Healthy Woman in April 2002
When I found out I was pregnant with twins I could barely speak. I was in a stupor. After the radiologist gave me the news, I wandered down the hospital corridor, mumbling to myself, I can't believe it. I can't believe it."
I made my way to the pay phone in the lobby to call my husband, who was immediately thrilled by the news. I, however, couldn't seem to absorb it. I lay awake that night, my mind whirling around a million details: How would I possibly manage twins and my active three-year-old at the same time? How would we fit two cribs in our small guest room? How would I breast-feed two babies? Whom could I call on to come and help me after the babies were born?
I tried to construct a vision of myself scurrying like a squirrel from one child to the next, anxiously attending to their needs. Truth be told, I also pictured myself splayed across the couch when my husband got home from work, the kids bawling and me weepy and sniveling, still in my bathrobe.